iLearn

Life teaches you a lot of things.
Life teaches you everything, really.

I have learned that I may not always have the most objective view of myself.
Others may easily see in me, things which I would never see in myself in a hundred years.

I have learned that pain is but a symptom of an actual ailment.
Pain is not my enemy.
Without it, I’d be dead.

I have learned that bad things happen to everyone, good people, bad people.
In this, life is fair.

I have learned to make the distinction between when I need to overthink a thing, and when I need to act on an impulse.

I have learned to exhale.
I keep taking in all this oxygen, and sometimes forget that if I hold on to it for too long, it becomes toxic.

I have learned that there are different kinds of “waiting”.
And that hope, however small is the life force of every survivor.

I have learned to give of myself freely, without expecting anything in return.
I have learned to give to myself lavishly, knowing the importance of investing in oneself.

For as long as I live, I will learn.

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Scattered Thoughts… Again.

This is probably going to happen more often here now, until I get back to doing narratives. Heck, I think I’ll just create a category and throw this and all its likes in there.
So here we are again, more bits, more pieces.

*********
Things have happened in the last three weeks,
Things that I wish happened three years earlier.
But I am glad, nevertheless.
Better late than never, no?

Winter is here now
And to be honest, it isn’t that bad.
One day I walked for 2.5 miles in the cold
I’m not entirely sure what I was thinking.

I am a lot more spontaneous than I used to be.
I am actually beginning to, as they say “live a little”.
It’s fun.
You should try it sometime.

I am stronger.
Living up to Etana’s name, aren’t we?
I am older.
It feels a little weird now, to not be the youngest person in the room.

I thought my self confidence grew last year
Apparently, I hadn’t scratched the surface.
Three weeks into January
And the progression has been geometric.
It can only get better.

I’ve had not-so-good things happen to me,
And each time I say to God,
“I’ll just sit here and wait
Until you show me the meaning of these things.”
Funny, he always comes through.

The blurry line between what I know and what I don’t,
That line is now as defined as it gets.
This has to be the most remarkable thing
That I have achieved yet.

So everyday, I approach life
Clearly identifying my to-dos
Knocking them off the list with a smile, 
One miserable item at a time.

It gets better from here on. It does.

Etana.

All Too Well.

I’m not exactly sure why the first two things I’ve published here this year have “mushy” written all over them.
This is one of my favorite T.S. songs. Maybe ’cause it’s sad and I love sad songs. LOL! Don’t look at me like that. 😐

And thank you for dropping in! 🙂

*******

This song by Taylor Swift is one that tells a story of love gone sour and memories bittersweet.

Falling in love is quite the experience. I think everyone should fall in love once in a while. It exposes you to yourself.

It’s like a drug, bringing with it a different kind of high, no matter how many times it is experienced. Each new thrill is almost always better than the last. How else does one come out of one love-high, swearing never to go in again, only to fall right back in at the next opportunity?

I think that for most people, the hardest part of recovering from a love-high, would be the memories. For me, this is what helps me get through each episode and move on quickly, but I may not be normal, and this piece isn’t about me.

Here, in trying to come to terms with a relationship gone sour, Taylor recounts memories of love that was once new, young and dizzying.
Next she attempts (without much luck) to figure out at what point things started going downhill…
Finally, she resigns, admitting to herself that coming to terms with the break up would be difficult, because she remembers everything all too well. (Not like she has any other choice than to come to terms with it eventually, anyway.)
Does this sound like the average person? I think so.

LOL, memories. Little fuckers. Don’t you just wish you could do away with them sometimes?

Kiss Me.

Disclaimer.
I am not a romantic. Don’t be deceived by all the mush in this post. This was written a few weeks ago, one evening as I listened to Ed Sheeran’s Kiss Me.

And thank you for stopping by! 🙂

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I think that everything about Ed Sheeran’s Kiss Me is perfect.

From the silently spoken count intro, 1, 2, 3, 4… to the quiet rhythm that follows, instantly introducing the sound of his music, to the oh-so-mushy lyrics… It’s a good one.

I think Ed Sheeran is a god. But you already knew that.

I watched a recorded live show of his. I hope to be in a sparsely populated Ed Sheeran closed acoustic session one day. I don’t know if that made any sense.
Until then, I will dream and prepare my heart for that moment.

So on this live show, just before he performed this song – Kiss Me, he told the story behind the song. Great songs are often always inspired by great stories.

Two people. 
A man, a woman. 
Both, no less than 60.
Life long friends.

They started falling for each other,
But no one said a thing,
For fear of ruining the relationship they had.
One bird in hand > Two in the bush. No?

They watched each other get married to other people.
I imagine it was hard,
But life had to go on.
We take what we can get, no?

(At least) 25 years later,
Two broken marriages on each part,
Two hearts burning for each other like never before,
Two people who had lived and loved through it all,
Two minds enlightened by years of semi-heartache and brokenness,
Two souls who had learned that life was indeed for the living,
Two people who knew they had waited one too many years,
Two people desperately trying to salvage what was left of their years…

“Eds, Maggie and I are getting married, and we would love for you to write our song.”

Mark was Eds’ godfather.
He was family.

Eds abandoned his tour, right in the middle of it and flew halfway across the world, to be there for two people who meant so much to him.
His leave was so sudden, that it was rumored he had been taken into rehab. About that, Sheeran said, “I wish I was that badass”. LOL!

So on his way home, he wrote this song, and the not-so-young couple thought it was perfect.

I think my favorite line in that song is,
“I’ve fallen for your eyes, but they don’t know me yet.”

********

The above account was dug up from a distant memory. It is not completely accurate. Mark and Maggie weren’t their names, for instance. But I tried to tell it as best as I could.

To My Unborn

Reluctantly Writing

My darling Katana,

I will not get to see or hold you for a few more years, but you’re already real to me. You’re as real to me right now as you will be when your mother puts my hand on her stomach to feel you kick for the first time. You’re as real to me right now, as you will be the first time I hear you cry. Or see you smile… Or punish you.

I haven’t told your mom why I’m calling you Katana yet. I probably won’t tell her until you’re almost here. But I have known for years that it would be your name, and I know why. As you grow, so will you.

I wonder what your personality will be like. I know you’re gonna be stubborn. Mischievous. Happy. Your mom and I both love reading, so of course you will too. But I also…

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